Since the first half of the year had gone by on sad thoughts and passing time, I wanted to make up for it in the next half of the year. SCJP, GRE, MUSIC and BETTER JOB were on the agenda. It takes a lot of focus to excel. And these options were highly varied.
Job interviews:
There was BOA, CISCO and a startup. CISCO was at Bangalore and I did not have hopes. So I did not go. BOA needed C and UNIX. It was not my thing. The job required night shifts. I still gave it a try. The written felt so easy, I wanted to see how far I could go, though deep inside, I was wondering why the hell did I want to go to a high pressure night shift job. I went through a few rounds of interview. Did not get through. But it was definiteIy a good experience. I learnt quite something trying to find the answers to the questions I could not respond to.
The opening at the startup, got me in touch with 2 men from IIM, for a Java opening. They were doing interesting things and I wished I could be a part of it. The interview had me answering a question on reversing a linked list. Data structures was a difficult subject for me. But they let me try my hand at it without making me feel bad about myself. For 2 and a half weeks, I was using every moment of my day, trying to do Java and Javascript. I attended an event called In50Hours by the startup center where we had to make a prototype. During that time, I fell sick and had a lot of time to ponder. I was weighing the facts, the travel and what I would be expected to do. And Dheeru was asking me to give my GRE, saying if I did not give it any soon, the next option would only be marriage. I could not make up my mind. Having to make up my mind was always a difficult option. So half heartedly, I stopped correspondence with the startup guys and decided not to look for any more jobs unless I made up my mind about what I had to do next.
There is a lot for me to learn. These experiences got me aware of all the gaps that had to be filled and opened up my thinking.
And this is an article that got me thinking about these experiences again.
MUSIC
I was listening to a lot of music now, thanks to facebook, you tube and most importantly three hours of travel in the bus. TCS bus drivers had good taste. They converted me from a Rahmaniac to an Ilayaraja fan. In the case they did not play songs, FM was always there. And then I was following Super Singer, which was just okay. Idea Super singer on Asianet had some amazing singers, which I realized too late. That was all about listening.As for singing, my heart aches talking about it. I wish I could get back at it sometime. My favorite songs : Sara sara saara kaathu from Vaagai suda vaa sung by Chinmayee, for the beautiful notes in the song, and for the beautiful thamizh by Vairamuthu. The next would be En nanbanae from Mangatha, for the moving lyrics, that I should not be listening to much, and the voice, I think, is Sadhana Sargam’s, which is so neat. I also like this song ‘I love you’ from Body Guard, probably coz I’ve listened to it a lot many times.Mazhai varum arikuri. Dad’s songs : Yaar sirithaal enna. Even before WTK became viral Dad tuned into it and started singing the song with such enthu, that I got a bit of him recorded.
GRE
So next, I joined GRE Edge, on an offer price of 5000 bucks. Over the time I was preparing, questions kept popping up. Do you really want to go to the US? Don’t you think there are so many nice things in India that you will miss? Why US? What’s with higher studies? What’s it gonna get you? Just like IT was a rat race, this felt like another race. A bandwagon. Was it gonna make me feel any better about life? What about Dad? What about all the things u wish u could do for your country? What if you want to get married? And what if you pass the marriageable age? What if you want to come back to India but get married to a guy there? What if you can’t manage studies there? How are you gonna financially support yourself?
I had to reiterate the answers a million times to myself.
“Ananya, you are in an IT job.. It’s not bad, but your life could get limited within these bounds. Another country, and some new people can open up your world a bit. Also there’s chance for some quality education and a lot more money, once you get placed. There’s definitely the gethu factor. Its nice to look back at your life and say.. well, in 2012 I moved to the US and blah blah blah :D. Besides, all your cousins are there. Also maybe, MAYBE, I could find a guy to team up for life, there. It’s okay. You don’t even have to make up your mind yet. Just give the GRE. Its valid for 5 years, and for both masters and management! So just give your best, please. Also you already paid 5000 bucks for this online stuff. And it’s such a neat package. It really helps” Also, by then, I’d paid another 8k and booked my GRE date.
GRE made me look at words I thought I knew, in a whole new way. And it was fun working out all the Maths we did in school. Only it does not look like I’ve got any quicker than when I was at school through all these years.
So then I gave it and got a score of 308/340. I did not know how to judge my score. And now that I did put some effort in it, I wanted something to come out of it. And all the questions came back to me. Where was I gonna connect this dot to? What’s gonna be that picture I was gonna make? What about Dad?
ADMISSION PROCESS
GRE was a rather fun process as compared to running around and getting through the admission process. Dheeru sent me this link http://susam.in/blog/infosys-tcs-or-wipro/ Such things were pushing me towards it. Balancing TCS which was pushing me here and there and bringing myself back to the application process was a little difficult. There was not one friend of mine who was around to share the process with. Bro helped me.
SOP. Why that University? Why that course? What did I do from early childhood that made me confident this was the next best step in my life? Honestly, Nothing, except that I was a normal TCS employee and did not want to be just that. Cooking up stuff is difficult.
I needed two things now. One, Inspiration and two, a chance to prove to myself that I’m capable. I had to do something to wow myself to get that confidence which was super-lacking.
SCJP: Dint happen
MACHINE LEARNING: Dheeru suggested these Stanford offered free distance learning programs on a vast number of subjects. I completed a few really interesting units and then, no time.
TAX: Done
WORK
TCS paid for me . It also annoyed me quite a bit that I always converted the feelings into a sentence that ended with “This is why you need to find your way out of this place!”. My TCS life has been quite strange comparing it with the others. I’ve been through three domains just in the first year(Banking, Telecom and Retail), which is a very rare thing, been released quite a lot, again rare, and I’ve managed to learn stuff here and there. I ended up in the Technology Excellence Group where I got to learn about commerce and was initiated to ATG. This is one good phase at TCS, for me, if I learn to focus and get the best out of it.
VETTINESS
I wasted a lot of time on FB, yahoo news(ance), and also wiki’ing for people. And thinking . And planning. But ever since I got into preparations everything reduced by itself.
PEOPLE:
Dad and I have hit it off well. I have a lot of nice moments with him. Me deciding against my whim, to stay with friends somewhere near Siruseri, has proved to be fruitful. I can’t believe a year and a half can open me to admiring the other facets of this man who would have otherwise been remembered for harsh words. Beneath that rough exterior and on-the-face attitude… I have grown to see him for a lot of beautiful things. He has such a faultless work ethic, amazing discipline that makes him wake up exactly at 5, go for his morning walk and start for a day of washing utensils, getting his coffee done, work. He just won’t stop smoking or his pegs but like Dheeru says we are three independent people and have to respect the space. Dad always has really irritating ways to address this. He’d ask me if I’d do everything he says if he has to listen to me. I’d always say No. That’s the truth. I have always had the choice of experimenting, but have always been well in control and never crossed my line. I am someone I can respect and my voice is all I will ever listen to. His puja in the morning starts with some slokas for muruga, pillaiyar, kanniamma, gayathri mantr, om namashivayah and he always ends the early morning rite with ‘Jesus bless us’ thrice, ‘Allah uh Akbar’ thrice, ‘Sai baba’ thrice. I never knew anyone else in my family who believed in all Gods so much as I, until I came back home after 8 years to observe Dad in a whole new light.
It was very difficult in the beginning. Glad it worked out.
Dad and his group of friends from his early years at IOB have made a plan to meet every third Thursday in the month. How cool! It was nice to see him talk over the phone saying “Machi varen da.. elarum vandhacha? Avan? Ivan?” and hurry up for meet and then return later to tell me about all the stories they discussed and reminisce.
Charu perima and Vatchi perima started back on matrimony talk and I freaked out. I still have the last bit of hope in me, that maybe there could be a guy I like AND who would want to spend his life with me. Arranged marriage is still impossible for me to think about, simply because it is arranged. It hurts when you fail at something you put your heart where instead you could have put your mind. But I just seem to want to let love remain as one of those few things that require the heart :D or is it just chemicals?
Met Kamini(Kali Priyadharshini) and Brian for Saturday Movies at the open air theatre. Kali has gained admit at IIT Delhi, for her higher studies.(Incidentally Sneha Gadu,foodie, Peter’s roomie has also been admitted to IITD for her MBA) It is nice to meet people who like to push to the next level. Kali and I caught up for basketball early morning, one day and stretched, spoke, played and then suthified IIT in her car. Was a good day.
I went on a trip to the Kula dheiva Kanniamma temple, and then to a temple under the archaeological society at Kanchipuram with Chitapa and family, Shailu and family, and Anju’s family sans Anju. It was fun. Beautiful places. And the most amazing peas masala I’ve had in my whole life @ Saravan Bhavan, Kanchipuram.
I went on a trip to the Kula dheiva Kanniamma temple, and then to a temple under the archaeological society at Kanchipuram with Chitapa and family, Shailu and family, and Anju’s family sans Anju. It was fun. Beautiful places. And the most amazing peas masala I’ve had in my whole life @ Saravan Bhavan, Kanchipuram.
On Sametime, there are all the VITians I know, and there’s Bagya and Vipin who I know from ILP. Vipin, has been a debonair lad. He listens when there is something I have to get off my mind and always has something to talk about some girl. Whenever I have the free time I entertain myself, discussing with him whether his latest strategy at getting to know a girl has worked.
A small ray of sunshine, amidst the otherwise tedious admission process was the day I had to travel to Vellore for the transcripts. Thanks to Vasavi who is now a lecturer, I was allowed to walk around and out of campus after the in-time, that too dressed like a freak(Formal shirt and kattam-poata three fourths. I had the best pizzas ever, that night, along with an equally classy well flavored Mojito. Day was a win!
There are the people that are always there. Dad and Dheeru. And those who’re mostly around. Peter, Sneha, Lavs, Padma, Iswariah, Godwin. Got in touch with JP after long. Met Pavi and Nivi. It sucks on my side that I can’t spend time with Nivi, her house being a stone’s throw away from my house. . Vidya and I spent a lot of time together on bench, which would have sucked without her. Bench period was about travelling and experimenting with new eateries for me.
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Otherwise, on and off, I meet Nayar aunty. I feel guilty, not being able to spend much time with her or Kala perima. Anil has left to Germany. And then, there are the people who stay on my mind.
Just about the time the year was gonna get over, I joined TEG at TCS, where I met freshers from CIT. Satish, Arun, Arul, Tushara and Tamizhini. Humorous lot. Was quite an experience going to lunch with these guys to places named some Andhra mess, the size of a potti kadai, with real good food.
31st – and over expensive lunch at The Residency with Peter, Santh, Sneha and Lavs. The night, I spent at Bikes and Barrels, my first time at a pub, and my second time with drinks. The only fun part was being out at night. Otherwise, looking at hopelessly drunk people flirting with each other did not fit my idea of fun. Neither did the drink do anything that felt like fun, to me. The 2 friends who accompanied me had a headache for a week after. I felt nothing new. It felt like Pepsi to me.
Not a bad year. Done a few things that had demanded a certain discipline in me. It would be quite a relief to answer these questions in life. What I want to do? Who I want to spend life with? Hopefully in a few years..
Finally, thank you dear God. I’ve showed some strength, and can feel the gaps too. Lead me well and help me find my way.
